College and Young Adult Ministry @ LAC

Preparing Your Student for Life on Campus

The following is a non-exhaustive list of some changes that your student should be made aware of:

1. Laundry – I remember helping many students do laundry for the first time. I was happy to help, but sad to think of all the students that I couldn’t be there for!
2. Sharing a room – As a resident advisor, I remember many students asking me if they could switch rooms. Discuss ahead of time about the way you’d like to see your student love their roommate for Jesus’ sake.
3. Healthcare – Advise your student not to wait until he/she gets sick at school, miles and miles away from home, before they establish good, routine health care. Make sure they understand how to manage their prescriptions, etc.
4. Public Transit – It might be a good idea to take a weekend and ride the route with them just so you both see what it’s like and how long it might take. This will cut down on missed connections. For students far away, knowing how to take the student shuttle to the airport can sure beat the cost of a cab!
5. The “big faceless institution” – University administration can be intimidating. But it doesn’t have to be. If students are too timid to get the help that is available to them, they risk having a worse time in college. There are people who can help your student. Encourage him/her to find those people. (Remember, we can help.)
6. $$$ - Your student should not leave home without talking about how to spend their money. This is the time to have discussions about balancing educational, recreational, ministry expenses, and generous giving. If you do want your student to invest in their own spiritual life at conferences and training events, they should know that that’s a priority for your family.
7. Credit Cards –Getting a free t-shirt in exchange for a mountain of credit card debt is a bad trade. But establishing credit can be a smart move. We know that beliefs about credit card debt vary from family to family. That’s why it’s important to talk now.
8. Paying Bills – Make sure your student knows how to read a bill, how to pay a bill, and which bills they should be responsible for. Help them understand what happens with a past due bill, etc. If they’re responsible for tuition, help them figure out how to pay those bills. If there’s a way for you to partner in accountability here, you should explore those options with the resources the universities provide.
9. Personal and Property Safety – A laptop is a terrible thing to lose. Teach students to save things to the “cloud” or on a flash drive. Make sure they know how to lock their new bike up properly – and NOT like their classmates! Help them understand the risk of walking alone at night. Also, help them understand what safety resources are available to them from their Campus Safety office or equivalent.

Conversations You Should Have Together

• Keep the lines of communication open – You can aid this process by asking questions and measuring your reaction to surprising answers. Listening in a non-judgmental way will help your relationship with your student.
• Do talk about the mistakes you made – but don’t make light of bad choices as if you don’t mind if your students makes the same choices.
• Be clear about your expectations – Church, drinking, dating, grades, money: these are all important things to make sure you have a real conversation about.

• “What concerns or decisions are on the front of your mind these days?"
• “How do you cope with stress?”
• “What are some ways you’ve coped with stress that can continue to be helpful to you during, for example, finals week?”
• “What kind of experience are you hoping for in college?”
• “What kinds of activities are you aware of there besides parties with alcohol?
• “How will you deal with pressure to drink or drink too much?”
• “What standards and boundaries (emotional and physical) do you have for a dating relationship?”
• “How do you think you will foster honesty with your boyfriend/girlfriend?"
• “What kinds of spiritual or ministry experiences do you hope to have?”
• “What kind of support do you hope to have from us?”
• “What kind of support do you hope to have from your home church?” (DO communicate this with us in Student Ministries.)

Young Adulthood

In my mind, there are two arenas in which to talk about “growing up.” The first is what we call “life.” Just life. A lot of research goes into how people develop and we could all glean some wisdom from what researchers have learned. The second arena is in “Christian life.” That is, spiritual development and faith maturity. Exciting and helpful work is being done here, too. Below, you’ll find two links to brief summaries of an ocean of important and helpful material:

1. A major university's take on college student development
2. The Fuller Youth Institute's work on college student development

Supporting Your College Student

You relationship with your student can and probably will change over the course of the next few months and years. Nevertheless, there are ways that you should consider being an ongoing help. Here are a few:

Pray

We will join you in praying over the next phase of your student’s life. Feel free to come in and pray with us, for your student. God loves your child more than you (or they) can imagine. Let’s go before our loving God to ask him for every spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus

Stay Connected

Students love getting real mail. Consider sending care packages at midterms or finals (or anything other time!). Know that Student Ministries will also send a care package to our graduated high school seniors.

Consider attending any special events designed for parents of college students.

Also, stay connected on the phone, over e-mail, and online through social media.

Know When to Refer

“Pray about it,” “read your Bible more,” and, “tough it out,” are NOT always the best advice for your child. If you suspect that changes in diet, sleeping behavior, energy level, emotional life, attitudes, etc. are more than just minor changes, you really must know the limits of your advice giving. Refer your student to professionals whenever in doubt.

Continue to Talk About Important Things

You should not be surprised if your student develops strong beliefs about things that they learn in school. Listening non-judgmentally is critical. Avoid comments intended to shut your son or daughter down. Instead, have real and honest conversations in which you listen as much or more than you speak your own mind. Your student is likely learning to hold his or her own in a conversation. Consider creating the opportunity for your student to grow into that new confidence.

Studies show that parents continue to be a strong influence on the ways their students behave even after they leave for school. So, do continue to have conversations about the values and behaviors.

Ask Questions…

...but don’t interrogate. Think of it this way: we should ask the kind and number of questions that demonstrate that we are genuinely interested. Avoid questions that make them think you don’t trust them, or are skeptical of them personally.

Do Not Pressure Your Student to Have “the Best Years of Your Life”

We believe that college is both a privilege and a season of discernment unto the Lord. These may end up being the best years of your student’s life, but that is not what they are for in the first instance. In fact, these may be very challenging years for your child in which they undergo surprising changes, experience broken relationships, develop serious doubts about their faith, and make mistakes they regret.

Instead, reassure them that God is good, and that God’s people are here to walk with them over the long haul.